In over my head

Man, this has been a rough week- I've come within two heart beats of quitting my job, quitting school, dropping my thesis and moving to Japan to teach English (which appears to be very trendy right now!). I am overwhelmed. Once again, I have overloaded myself, fully knowing that I was doing so, and I don't even have enough time to have the much needed cry I much deserve.

I haven't slept in 36 hours- I need a nap. I hate surveys- I want them to die. I never see my roommate, and in all honesty, life has been pretty lonely- my computer isn't particularly good company, and unfortuantely Rufus (yep, that's his name) is the only thing I have tying me to the real world sometime. I have no energy and I feel drained- I don't even care how well i do anymore, which is a pretty big indication that I'm going to have to make some pretty major changes.

I wish I understood how to do things in moderation. I wish I understood how to say "no" to my boss or my prof or my friends. I wish I could sleep, and not stay up all night working on a stupid project that I haven't actually cared about since May. I wish I had never gotten a laptop, since I bring it with me everywhere and have become obessed by it- Rufus even comes to the bar with me sometimes. How tragic is that? Well, the alternative is not ever going out and having no social life whatsoever.

I really wish that when people knew that I had killed myself to do something for them, and obviously went above and beyond the call of duty, they would say thank you instead of criticizing me or how I did it. I wish that people would not treat me as their personal secretary, I wish that those who aren't envelopped by the SU lifestyle would understand that I just CAN'T see them, it's not that I don't want to- I have no time.

I want this year to end- and it's only september.

Or maybe I just need a nap- that's probably it.

Looking forward to re-retirement,

Zita