Gossip

Ah Gossip.
The bane of my existence.
Vicious wild beast that I can't seem to run away from.
How I loathe thee.
And yet...
I find myself completely drawn to being part of Her.
Yes, my friends, I said her...for surely, Gossip is female.
And I figure she's also a gemini. Split personality and so on...

For as long as I can remember, there have been certain constants my life- things that I can't seem to avoid no matter how much I try. Every February, I will come down with Bronchitis; I will break at least one bone every summer; and regardless of what I do, my life will allways be under a microscope. Now, I know that this last one isn't just reserved to me- people have a fascination with the lives of others. But, nonetheless, it is frustrating.

The funny thing about Gossip is that you hate when it's about you, and yet can't help but Gossip about others. You can try- as hard as you want- but at some point we are all drawn to sharing useless bits of information of people's lives, discussing them, analyzing them, and often poking fun at them. So it's hard to be angry when people gossip about you- everyone is guilty of doing it, and I would contend that at some point everyone has been the brunt of it.

I figure there are two types of gossip though- which is how we distinguish between what is acceptable and what isn't: Idle and Malicious.

Idle Gossip is simple- it is the exchange of dialogue regarding others- often just for the sake of conversation. It is the natural response to human curiosity. Sometimes, idle gossip can be uncomplimentary of our friends- but it is never intended to hurt them.

Malicious gossip is a whole different story. Malicious gossip stems from the desire to be mean, to hurt or to wrong. Malicious gossip is intentional and it is cruel. It can destroy lives, hearts and psyches. I have seen relationships collapse, friendships dissipate, and people fall apart all because of Gossip. We say that words can't hurt us. I believe that be a lie- words can hurt. In fact, while sticks and stones may break bones, at least bones mend. Hurt caused by words doesn't always mend itself or go away. For some it a shadow, a ghost that we carry with us throughout our lives.

As I grow older I slowly am starting to learn to think and care less about what people think of me. It occurs to me that people will believe what they want to believe- no matter how proposterous it, no matter how untrue. This is something I wish I could explain better than just "people want to believe the worst because it's intersting". But I can't- because no other explanation is true. We are all creatures of boredom, desperately looking for ways of making our lives interesting and meaningful.

As you might have noticed, the sad accessory to this new approach to life is that you can't help but become a little jaded, a little bitter and certainly a lot more negative about the institive nature of humanity. I remember believing that most people really wanted the best for others- that most people are selfless by nature; that people will choose to believe the truth, will be loyal and will treat you well. While I still believe that people can be loyal and treat each other well, I think that it's more of a concerted choice now than an instinct. Instinctively, we are all built to look out for our own good, regardless of what is best for others. Kinda sad, really.

It never ceases to amaze me how people become fascinated with others lives; their is this belief that every thing is open for public dialogue. From one's relationship, sexual habits or even diatery habits, no topic is taboo in today's social discourse.
The concept of discretion is a lost art. Maybe it never really existed in the first place. I don't know. But I do know that tact is about as common as a couple that stays happily married for their entire lives: what was once considered to be normal and instinctive is very quickly disappearing and becoming archaic.

I think the only real way to deal with Gossip is to know and understand the truth- or at least truth in the way in which you see it. Everyone has their own truths, but you can only be as truthful as your understanding of it. While it's damn near impossible not to care about silly rumours, it's not worth spending your life worrying about them. Being clear in your heart and conscience is really the only weapon. And even if the truth is never known to anyone but yourself, at least you'll be able to look yourself in the mirror.

Next post: labelling. Silly.

Merry Christmas y'all.
Zita