In over my head

Man, this has been a rough week- I've come within two heart beats of quitting my job, quitting school, dropping my thesis and moving to Japan to teach English (which appears to be very trendy right now!). I am overwhelmed. Once again, I have overloaded myself, fully knowing that I was doing so, and I don't even have enough time to have the much needed cry I much deserve.

I haven't slept in 36 hours- I need a nap. I hate surveys- I want them to die. I never see my roommate, and in all honesty, life has been pretty lonely- my computer isn't particularly good company, and unfortuantely Rufus (yep, that's his name) is the only thing I have tying me to the real world sometime. I have no energy and I feel drained- I don't even care how well i do anymore, which is a pretty big indication that I'm going to have to make some pretty major changes.

I wish I understood how to do things in moderation. I wish I understood how to say "no" to my boss or my prof or my friends. I wish I could sleep, and not stay up all night working on a stupid project that I haven't actually cared about since May. I wish I had never gotten a laptop, since I bring it with me everywhere and have become obessed by it- Rufus even comes to the bar with me sometimes. How tragic is that? Well, the alternative is not ever going out and having no social life whatsoever.

I really wish that when people knew that I had killed myself to do something for them, and obviously went above and beyond the call of duty, they would say thank you instead of criticizing me or how I did it. I wish that people would not treat me as their personal secretary, I wish that those who aren't envelopped by the SU lifestyle would understand that I just CAN'T see them, it's not that I don't want to- I have no time.

I want this year to end- and it's only september.

Or maybe I just need a nap- that's probably it.

Looking forward to re-retirement,

Zita

NO MORE DRAMA

"HAMUHAMU PARTY"
"LOVERY RABBIT"
"SO CUTE ANIMAL"
"RABBIT SWEET CHERRY"


So if none of that made any sense to you, let me basically say that this whole "Japana-cuteness" thing is all fine and good, but for the love of God they need better translators. And that's all I have to say about that!


So life is good. In fact, that's a bit of an understatement. Life has been pretty great! Can't complain a whole lot. I've been ridiculously busy- stupid busy actually- but otherwise, there's not a whole lot of badness to share. So I am going to reflect a bit on why I think this is...

I have, systematically, eliminated almost all of the superfluous drama in my life. Now a certain amount of every day drama is acceptable. But let's be honest: enough is enough! And I guarantee you, I had had enough.

I am the kind of person who has no in betweens with people. I am either completely someone's friend or completely not someone's friend. And that's kind of that. When I realize that I've had enough with someone or something, I leave it behind and I don't look back unless I get a good god-damn reason. All that to say, there were a lot of aspects of my life last year that I had simply had enough of...so I cut them out.

This may not always be the best approach, but let me tell you this: Lately, things have been great. I have left behind stupid fights and arguments that had been getting to me for a while, I have found the ability to forgive while not being stupid enough to forget and have moved on from the general stupidity that occupied my space in this world for way, way too long.

So now I have new friends, I have a new apartment, I have a new-ish job, I have a new life, and I love it! Some of the aspects of the past have been carried over, but many have just been left behind. And you know what, I'm okay with it.

I am only now starting to realize just how bad things were last year; just how unhappy I was. It was pretty awful. But I guess the awful allows you to appreciate the great.

So, say what you want about my ghetto bar, my ghetto "I don't care what I look like for my morning- I'm in my last year of school", my ghetto apartment in a ghetto area of the city...this is the most ghetto I've ever been and I am loving every second of it.

Cheers to taking things down (including yourself) a notch!