Wakling down memory lane

For those who know the happenings of the last week: lyrics to reflect my mind frame (sort of)...

Words- The Human League

Can you feel it when
your throat dries?
Can you see it in the night sky?
Just a mumble round at tea time
Smile
When I'm watching you

When I was a child
We were living in fear
Living in fear
When I was a child
Just a light year from here
Living in fear

Worlds may shatter
Years don't matter
Words came back to haunt you
Worlds may shatter
Years don't matter
Words came back to haunt you
Friends past missing
Reminiscing
Words came back to haunt you

Tolerating propaganda
And your girlfriend, Alexandra
With her secret memoranda
Signs
For an interview
Searching for the light
In the world of the blahs
Masquerading as stars
How can this be right?
You've been going too far
Leaving conscience ajar

Worlds may shatter
Years don't matter
Words came back to haunt you
Friends past missing
Reminiscing
Words came back to haunt you

When I was a child
We were living in fear
Living in fear
Worlds may shatter
Years don't matter
Words came back to haunt you

Worlds may shatter
Years don't matter
Words came back to haunt you
Friends past missing
Reminiscing
Words came back to haunt you

Worlds may shatter
Years don't matter
Words came back to haunt you
Friends past missing
Reminiscing
Words came back to haunt you

HAHA!

Saw this on my roomie's Blog:

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Created by bart666

Ode to my roommate

Finding a good roommate is hard. I know- I've had my fair share. Including boarding school and an all girl dormitory my first year at University, I'd say I've lived with roughly one hundred people for at least 8 months each. So when it comes to living with people, I've had my fair share.

Living with someone else can be difficult; you have to adapt to their ways, their beliefs and their style very quickly. You have to learn strong conflict management skills, and be understanding if they aren't the same level as yours. You have to exercise patience, responsibility, accountability, and- in most cases- friendship (which is the hardest of all). I've had my ups and my downs with roommates- I've made friends and lost friends, had to go for long breaks in between living together and reforging a friendship, and have grieved those that I've had to leave, so many times in my life. I've been the good roommate and that bad roommate, some times simultaneously.

That said, I'm not sure that leaving a home has ever hurt as much as this time does. My summer sublet has come to an end, and I am leaving behind someone who has quickly become closer to many people I've known for years. Granted, I'm not leaving her far behind- I'm only moving 20 blocks away and I'll still live with her, but it just won't be the same.

S. has seen me at my best and my worst. I've done the same for her. Everytime I felt I was losing my mind, she was there to support or to just hold me as I cried. She saw me through fears, nightmares, heartbreaks, frustrations, happiness, embarassement and countless other emotions. And all this in only 4 months!

I truly treasure every moment of every day that I get to spend with her. She knows that I'm not good at words (or rather, not good at emotions in general), so I don't usually tell her very often- but she is an inspiration, a role model, and a sister.

It saddens me to think that when she comes home thrilled after some exciting news, or upset over some stupid work related problem, or tired and unwell, that I won't be the first one she talks to anymore. Someone else's shoulder will be there to take my place- someone else's smiles of encouragement and words of pride.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't begrudge S. or her new roommate this position. Her new roommate came first, and outranks me on the friendship scale. But a little part of me is jealous that there will be so many moments that I won't share anymore. It isn't that I'm bitter, angry or jaded; just a little sad at leaving the best roommate a person could find.

So, S., thank you for four wonderful months. I look forward to hearing of all the shananigans you and A. get into this year- and we'll still see each other all the time at the office and I can't wait until you initiate so we'll have one more incomparable bond. The past four months were among the best I have had in years, and you were exactly the breath of fresh air I desperately needed to get over the disastrous past year.

Here's to singing and playing the piano, blow drying our hair and putting on makeup, watching countless hours of Simpsons, having you laugh at my Star Trek/Stargate fascination, the good cries, the laughter, the moments we were pissed at each other and sucked it up because we knew we were both being silly, the parents visiting, the obnoxious sibling and his side-kick roommate, bbqs in the park, meeting guys, bad pick up lines, the quote boards, "ciagarettes and chocolate milk", talking about sex and my stupid papers and thesis ideas, Sarah's introduction to music 101, eating curry, banana pancakes, procrastinating cleaning our rooms, the times were I was able to walk to work with you, name that tune, your budding Karaoke Goddess, and countless more.

All in all, you've been awesome and I love you.

Zita

Second Chances

I must admit, I have been truly lucky in my life. I have made a stupendous amount of mistakes- some larger than others- and have always been able to pick up the pieces and move on. In fact, I'm grateful for most the mistakes that I've made since they've allowed me to frame who I am, meet new people and try new things, all while fixing what I can and learning from what I can't fix. Anyway, today is one of those days where a really unexpected second chance has arisen.

I got a call from a friend today- a friend that I have not been a good friend to for several months. In my defense, that was a bit of a two way street- but that's all in the past and not worth rehashing. Neither or us is perfect...I suppose that in friendship you have to learn to accept each other faults and all.

Anyway, this friend called for the sole purpose of apologizing. Wow- I was pretty speechless. The best part was being given a chance to apologize as well. Closure and new beginnings. How exciting!

Apologizing is an amazing thing- it can never unmake the wrongs of the past- and it's not intended to. But it does allow you to shed your pride and allow yourself the possibility of rectifying those wrongs. Making amends may not erase the past but it does allow you to learn from it. Truely, the most beautiful thing is to not have committed the wrong in the first place, but since that is sometimes inevitable, the second best thing is a true and sincere apology.

Getting back to the conversation at hand- You see, the thing is, there have been moments where I have wondered if I'd ever quite meet anyone else like her- and now I'm convinced that I won't. While our friendship may never be what it was- there's no reason why it can't be just as strong! New directions are always exciting!

I am SO grateful for today's conversation; I am so excited to see her again; and I am so happy that, even when it seems like nothing is great, life has a wonderful way of fixing everything.

I wish I could take back some of the awfulness that went on- but since I can't, I'm just glad to have a second chance at a one-of-a-kind friendship, with a one-of-a-kind girl (faults and all! :) )


Feeling great.

Zita