Zita's Little World

Just a random series of thoughts that run through my head.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Enough

Melancholy phase over....now!
No more bad poetry, no more 5 am sessions with Suzie, no more feeling sad for no particular reason. Enough.

Whew- I feel better- now it's time to put things back together.

Melancholy doesn't happen to me very often but when it hits, it hits with a serious vengeance. It can take me weeks to get out of it. I know why and when it happens- always at the end of October and the beginning of November (months that are marred with an unbearably poor taste in my mouth and in my memory). But this year I'm snapping out of it early.

There's a lot more to melancholy than meets the eye. It's usually a state of mind brought on by a combination of various factors- you focus on one or two in particular because it's easier and quite frankly the ones you focus on are rarely the largest cause for your discontent.

I have several- my acquaintances know of one. My friends knows of two. My best friend probably knows of 4 or 5 (that we've discussed). I can count somewhere around 17. Then I stopped counting.

I'm not one of those melancholy people who likes to plague others with my state of general unease. That's why I usually get pretty anti-social. I don't want to see anyone, do anything and most importantly, I don't want to talk about it. So i sit with my piano til all hours of the morning, go without sleep, lose a few pounds (the only real perk aside from a streak of creativity) and hibernate in my room.

Anyway, just a simple explanation for any erratic behavior I may have displayed for the last couple of weeks. I suck.
Thanks for your patience to those who were there.

And now I'm done for the year.

Zita

Friday, October 21, 2005

More Poetry

Huh- this seems to be a trend for me lately...

A damn good cry
Oct. 19th, 2005

You can take your games and you can shove them
While you’re at it you can swallow up my pride
Cause right now I’m shallow, sunk and sullen
But all I need is a damn good cry

A few more hours, and I won’t even remember
The blood will clot and my scars will heal
Hearts can be soothed with mind over matter
And somehow I will force myself not to feel

Just once- I swear to God
I will only cry over you once

Don’t ask me why I am so angry
Don’t try to tell me that you did nothing wrong
What you did was tell me that you knew me
What you did was made me feel like I belonged

So don’t tell me that you never knew
How every word you said broke my heart
I gave you everything I ever had to give
And all I asked in return was to take part

I guess I asked too much
And I cried as though my eyes bled…

Just once- I swear to God
I will only cry over you once

It's just a state of mind

Say yes…

You’re standing there in front of your crowd
The audience that you cart around
Just in case you feel like performing
And let’s be honest, you always feel like performing

Because life’s a stage when you’re too afraid to be yourself

So I watch you from the corner of my eye
Just an outsider, taking in the show
But our eyes met once- it was enough to know
I know more of you then they all do

You dropped your gaze, you dropped your act and you fell.

And now, I see through you
And the are holes inside your script
The actor’s just a hypocrite
And now that I know you
I am learning to despise
How you always need to hide

So when I ask you to come in closer
And I expect you to say no
You could change it all
If you just let it go
And said yes…

We’re dancing slowly on an empty stage
The objects of the whole room’s gaze
But somehow we hardly know that they’re there
When I’m in your arms, you’re everywhere

And everything I know- body and soul, I am full

But I feel you pull away, you’re afraid
That these castles that you’ve built could crash
I am not an army storming at your door
So I won’t demand and I know better than to ask

I’ll let you go- Deep down I know I can not win

And now that I love you
I know you’ll run away
And I won’t beg you to stay
Now that I’ve lost you
Do you know how close we came
To being happy?

But had I asked you to come in closer
And not expected to hear 'no'
Could I have changed it all
If I had just let it go
And said please…

Would you have said yes?